Traveling Over the Holidays

Ahh Christmastime...and the traveling associated with it. Every year millions of Americans pile themselves like sardines into their car, trucks, and gas-chugging SUVs and head onto the open road to see relatives that, many times, they really could live without seeing. But nonetheless, they arrive at their destinations after many grueling hours in traffic on the insterstate highways, nearly being completely driven insane by the 20 people they are sharing a vehicle with or being side-swiped by a tractor trailer driver trying to make it home by Christmas morning himself. Once at their destination, hugs are spread like hot butter on bread and everyone, for an hour or so, is joyful and so very glad that they came. Then they realize that they are stuck in this level of hell for the next 1-5 days. Usually they don't realize what they've gotten into until the children start wailing, someone burns something in the kitchen, or the house they're sharing with their 200 relatives suddenly becomes like a cardboard box with no airholes. Closterphobia sets in and the REAL fun begins: trying to figure out what to do to pass the time until this horrible event is over with.
Now don't get me wrong, I adore the holiday season, and Christmas is one of my favorite holidays, I just don't go and visit any relatives during this most joyous season because...well, I know that I'd be thrusting myself into a whole nother level of hell and I choose to save myself the agony of spending so much time cramped up in a small house with allllllllll my family. I love them and I'd like to keep it that way, thank you very much.
But as I was saying, usually board games that haven't seen the light of day in 30-40 years are brought down from the attic or up from the basement, smelling like only retro-items can. The younger generation is in awe of some of these games that they thought had only been invented in their lifetimes (Monopoly anyone?) All crowd around a table and the games begin. Usually at some point alcohol makes its way around this table and the adults think "well as long as the kids stay in the house, a little alcohol won't hurt them..."They are ALWAYS wrong. The kids COMEPLTELY LOSE THEIR MINDS!!!!! They end up bouncing off the walls (sometimes literally) and running about the already-cramped house like it was a gymnasium. The adults become stressed and start the yelling, kids get hurt and cry, and when an unsuspecting neighbor comes by, they open the door to nothing less than utter chaos. Hopefully, if said neighbor is smart, they will quickly run back to their house, lock the doors and windows, and watch from a safe distance next door. Things get broken in the house as the kids just won't quit because they don't know how to handle alcohol and if the weapon isn't alcohol, folks, its definitely sugar. I think that to children, sugar is alcohol. Inevitably someone will find the stash of chocolates, hard candies, etc. and the kids will eat nothing but the sweets for hours on end. If eaten enough, they get sick and then the adults get to clean up and smell the vomit for the rest of the blessed visit with those they hold so dear to their knives hearts.
This all before Christmas morning has even arrived!
Each night in this choas house as it is, sleep is rare and usually interrupted by crying, someone breaking something in the darkness trying to find the bathroom, and worst of all, the sounds sometimes known to come out of the bathroom late at night...you know what I'm talking about...the toilet monster. Yeah. By Christmas morning the adults just want their kids to shut up so they let them open their presents only to realize that it's 8am and they're stuck in this hell for at least another day, if they're lucky, the kids will be entertained by their newly received gifts until noon-ish and then they'll become bored again, the pattern of sugar and craziness continues over and over again until slowly, oh so painfully slowly, the relatives begin to leave and head back out onto the open road back home in the same traffic they arrived in with the same dangers only now they all almost wish for the tractor trailer to hit them and end the now much more miserable ride. Everyone is sick of each other and when the people whose house, by this point, is nothing but a shell of its former glory are left to themselves, some cry, some just silently clean up, most just go back to bed and try to sleep it off. In the end though, a few months later everyone is re-energized and the visiting can resume. The next year, however, said hosts make sure the whole gang goes to someone else's house for the holiday season.